Lamentations of a Default Parent
If you are your children’s default parent, you are probably painfully aware of it. You know you are the default parent when your kids are sitting on the couch, watching TV with your spouse, and they call you to bring them a snack. The default parent wipes every nose, schedules every appointment, fills out every form, and remembers every deadline. Family dynamics where both parents spend an equal number of hours per week doing paid work, but one of them takes on a disproportionate share of parenting responsibilities are a common cause of marital conflict, and even of divorce, among parents of minor children. If your partner is the default parent, you might not notice; you might spend a substantial amount of time taking care of your children and assume that your spouse experiences parenthood the same way that you do, not knowing that she perceives her workload to be heavier than yours and feels overwhelmed. The good news is that, even if your marriage is beyond repair, you can still reach an understanding with your ex so that you can co-parent your children fruitfully. For help formalizing a parenting plan that will further this goal, contact a Mississauga family lawyer.
After Divorce, Everyone Gets a Chance to Be the Default Parent
Couples who have minor children together but who divorce or live separately after ending a domestic partnership or dating relationship in Ontario have the right to a court-ordered parenting plan. The parenting plan allots each parent a certain number of overnights per year. It also addresses issues such as transportation and decisions about the children’s education and extracurricular activities.
The ideal parenting plan enables parents to avoid having to fight about every little detail. It dictates which parent is with the children on which days. If one parent was the default parent during your marriage, the parenting plan offers a solution to this problem. You may have many more days of parenting time per year than your ex-spouse, but parenting plans come with an implicit rule that neither parent may interfere with the other parent’s parenting time. If your children are with your ex-spouse on the first and third weekend of the month, but they are with you the rest of the time, your ex-spouse is the default parent during his or her parenting time. This means that, for two weekends per month, you are not responsible for your children’s snacks or baths. Default parents may not realize that they are doing this, but they tend to micromanage, and this does not do anyone’s marital relationship any favors. When the court orders you to keep your hands off your ex-spouse’s parenting time, you have no choice to let go of some control, to accept that your children are clean enough and well enough nourished and that you can only control what happens during your own parenting time.
Contact Zagazeta Garcia LLP About Peaceful Co-Parenting
A family lawyer can help you draft and follow a parenting plan if you were the default parent during your marriage. Contact Zagazeta Garcia LLP in Mississauga, Ontario to discuss your case.
Sources:
scarymommy.com/lifestyle/default-parent-divorce
scarymommy.com/parenting/the-parenting-plan-divorce-custody-marriage
